Aging Gracefully

I really hope that when I am old, like 85, that I have kept my wits about me. And if I haven't, I hope they are gone enough to not realize that I've lost them. It is with both sadness and humor that I write this post because it is so sad, yet so funny.

I decided to be a good, helpful granddaughter today and take my grandma's dog to the vet because the place where she now lives is going to kick the dog out if she doesn't get her shots. (Which we would be totally cool with her getting rid of the dog because it is such a hassle for us to keep her, but that is a whole 'nother post). But the dog hasn't actually been the vet in....hmm.....let's see.....basically.....EVER! Or probably not since she was a wee little pup. Not the best dog parenting skills, but surely economical.

Anyway, I go to pick up the dog and she asks if Alexis could stay with her. Alexis first declined, but then said yes. I felt fairly comfortable since there are hundreds of other people in the same building and besides, I would just be gone for like 45 minutes to run down the street to Pet Smart, get some shots, and be back (ha!). She also asked if Max could stay too. For a moment, I pondered the thought of Max running down the hallway at top speed with an 82 year old woman "running" with her walker after him. Next, I pondered the moment when Max wanted to be picked up and carried around, which I can barely do, and I foresaw, Alexis being the one to accomodate. Momentarily considered when Max held his breath and passed out, what her reaction time would be. But instead of saying what I was thinking, I simply said, "I think it's better if Max comes with me". So, Max, Penny (the dog), and I head out.

The dog immediately starts shaking like a 7.0 earthquake has taken over her body. At least she only weighs 8 pounds so I can pick her up despite her objections and cart her to the car. Yet, she will not sit in the seat and ONLY in my lap. Might I remind you that I don't really have a lap right now. Pretty much my belly and the steering wheel are best buddies when I drive these days. So the dog ends up sitting on my stomach. Great! We arrive at Pet Smart, and I go around to get Max out of the car, and come to find that he has no shoes on. His newest trick in the car is taking off his shoes and chucking them as hard and as far as he can. Fine enough, but today, I was searching everywhere for them and cannot find one of them. I am about 2 seconds away from taking him in with only one shoe and hoping that no one notices. But Eventually, I do find it. Walk into Pet Smart, go up to the counter, start talking to the lady and Max takes off down the aisle of the store to "find the bird". Ummm....excuse me while I go chase after this two year old with my 9 month pregnant self running with a dog in my arms. Ok....back at the counter. Ushered into the 2 by 4 square room. The same 2 by 4 square room that Max and Penny and I proceed to sit in for 2 hours. Yes, this process took 2 freakin' hours. After much debate about whether to pay for today (which by the way somehow my grandma thought $70 was going to be enough so that's what she sent with me, yet it was $189), or sign up for some plan which allowed for more visits, her gross ear to be checked out, and her nasty tooth to be pulled. I hate making decisions for other people. Anyway, the entire time, Max is saying, "I'm hungry" and "I want a snack" because in the process of looking for his shoes, I put down his snack and it got left in the car. Max really was an angel for about an hour. But then tiredness, hungriness, and annoyance set in. And by annoyance I mean his AND mine. Super fun!

Finally, we get to leave. Alexis was still in one piece when we got back and Grandma asked if we wanted to go to lunch. Sure, Grandma, if we can eat here because I'm not taking all of you guys out somewhere....a pregnant chick in her 9th month carrying Max, managing Alexis, and helping her didn't sound like my idea of a blast. Her response, "I don't need help". Really? Who is going to put your walker in the car, drop you off at the front, help you up the inevitable step up on the curb, walk at turtle speed next to you so you don't fall, etc. Really? Seriously? I mean let's be a little realistic. Next idea please: She says the cafeteria is still open so let's just go downstairs since they have sandwiches and salads. Perfect! So we make the walk across to the other building which would take about 4 minutes at walking speed, but at walker speed takes 15. As we are about to cross the walkway, I say, "Grandma, there is a sign here that says on Wedneday and Thursday this week you have to buy a ticket at the front desk to eat in the cafeteria." She says, "oh well, if Sharon is there I'm sure it's fine". Okay, sure! We continue our walk and are almost to the lobby of the next building and she says, "I'm not sure if I'm going the right way". Really, I mean don't you eat here like all the time? I mean you have lived here for a year. "Oh yeah, but I usually get lost getting there". Well, okay. We make it to the desk and she asks the lady if we are going the right way to the cafeteria. "No, you have to take the elevator down to the terrace level". WHAT? You don't even know that we have to get on a freakin' elevator to even have a chance of finding it. Seriously, she used to eat dinner there every Friday night and eats lunch there every so often. The lady then explains that you have to have a ticket because it's a holiday. I think that I have to walk back to the other building to get a stupid ticket and then walk back again, I'm running straight out the door. Luckily, we can buy a ticket there. But she says it's a set menu not cafeteria style since it's a holiday. I look at what they are serving and think that there is no way in hell that the kids are going to eat that and a slim chance that I will. So I say forget it and we have to leave. So we make the "trek" back to her building stopping 18 times along the way to chat with random people. Finally, we leave and the music in my ears was "I'm hungry", "I'm starving", "Are we eating?". Okay, fine, let's stop at the Chick-fil-A right here. Pull in, no parking spaces. Damn. We try the McDonald's across the street because we are desperate at this point. Go inside and smell that Max needs a diaper. The changing station was in one of the stalls (farily common) so we go in and Alexis says she has to pee. So she goes while I start changing Max. Remember earlier when I said Max likes to kick his flip flops off if he is not standing on them or walking. Yeah, kicks his flip flops off......right into the toilet. Yup, with her pee in it. Awesome. Pull out the pee flops, wash them in the sink and put them back on him. Sorry kid. Pee flops are better than walking on the floor of McDonalds.

Eat lunch, play, and drive home. Thankfully. Is today over yet????

A Very Long 36 Hours

Hopefully this post will make whatever sort of day you are having not seem so bad. So, yes, I will just be complaining. Yesterday afternoon after naptime, Max started acting really crabby and crying for no reason. He has had a cough and runny nose for a couple days like every other kid so I thought he just didn't feel well. It should have a been a signal since he passed out 4 times yesterday, but that is not his record high so I guess it didn't really cross my mind. By evening time, it was quite miserable and I thought maybe he had a fever. Of course, when I went to put the thermometer in his ear, he passed out (one of the four, not an additional). So who knows what his temperature was, so I gave him Tylenol anyway. Can't hurt. Alexis had her 4 year old check up scheduled for the next day so I thought maybe we'd take Max as well. Then kids both went to bed fairly early because we just were done! But last night, Alexis got up twice during the night. Not usual for her at all. The bad news was that she was awake twice, but the good news was that she was screaming "DADDY" so I figured it was best just to wake Ben up and send him in since that was what she wanted :) He probably slept in there for about 2 hours with her.

Anyway, today started out well. And by well I mean the time between opening my eye lids and my feet hitting the floor. Those 2 1/2 seconds were great! Because for some reason, this last week, everything I do makes my heart race and be completely out of breath. So getting up, ready, cleaning the house (on the off chance our praying works and someone comes to look at our house), makes me feel like a ran a marathon. No worries, I"m sure it's just the extra 15 pounds I have packed into one location, but I'll be getting it checked out at the dr. next week). To continue, Max woke up, got dressed, ate, and then passed out because I walked out of our bedroom into Lexi's room to get her clothes. Great! We had to leave in about 20 minutes to make it to the chiropractor before Alexis had speech (working on those R's). We finally leave, and I call the dr. in the car to see if they can see Max at the same time as Alexis and they can (small miracles). We make it to the chiro and to my office without too much ado. Leave for our dr. appointment. Once we get there, I pay my copay which I did not realize had gone up to $35 starting in January. So I left $70 lighter. Max will not sit still in the waiting room, he laughs uncontrollably at a kid wearing a flu mask, and throws all the magazines on the floor. Finally, they call us back. While the nurse is questioning me, I'm screaming my answers back at her because Max is screaming because I won't let him down because the nurse left the door to the room open and I'm sure if I let him go he'll dart out faster than a racehorse who has to pee. Sal, the other nurse (who Alexis has hated since the day she was born, but is actually the nicest guy), tries to do her vision test, but she won't talk to him. He's asking her what a variety of pictures are and she is sitting there like an idiot. Finally, I interrupt the other nurse, "Alexis, answer him, or you will be in trouble". Finally, she has a voice and passes her vision test. Then they both leave, door closes, Max is free. Oh, but then Alexis starts wailing because she heard the nurse say that she would be getting two shots. And when I say wailing, I mean as much as if she were getting them that very moment. The doctor comes in, examines Max first, and he has an ear infection. That would probably explain why he passed out when the thermometer went in his ear last night. Also, I ask for a new prescription for his Singulair to try chewables instead of the granules (this will come into play later). Ok, Alexis's turn next. There is only so much room on my lap right now so imagine both children sitting in what is left of it. And you can stop laughing now! While the nurse is trying to talk to Alexis and ask her questions, Max keeps running up to her and giving her a hug (sweet, but I was afraid they were both going to fall on the tile floor, forgetting the fact that the doctor is trying to have a conversation with her and she can no longer concentrate). So I grab Max and won't let him down....so he passes out AGAIN. IN FRONT OF THE DOCTOR! Well, then he went to sleep and Alexis finished her check up in peace. Doctor leaves and Sal comes back with two shots. Alexis went into panic mode. Total and utter chaos broke out. The screaming, wailing, crying began. She was holding down her sleeves so he couldn't roll them up. Now Max is still passed out over my shoulder so not exactly easy for me to tackle her. Finally we wrestle her down and get one arm done. Switch to the other side and start all over again. Finally, two down. She is freaking out like the man just cut both of her arms off. Yes, Max is still passed out over my shoulder. Gather my belongings and try to leave. Walk through the lobby to make Max's follow up appointment with Alexis trailing behind screaming wanting me to pick her up. Now, you thought 15 baby pounds was making my heart race and be out of breath, add 24 more because now I'm carrying Max, so FORGET IT SISTER. Make it to the door, and look outside and SHIT it is pouring! No, I did not bring my umbrella inside. Make a dash for the car. Get everyone piled in. And think, must I go to Target and get Max's medicine now???? For a brief moment, I considered going straight home, but thought better of it. Thank god for Target's covered parking deck. Bring the prescriptions in to the pharmacy and the pharmacist asks me what Alexis's birthday is. I'm about to respond when I realize that Alexis should not have a prescription. Well, the doctor wrote out the Singulair in Alexis's name. I think, no big deal, it doesn't matter whose name is on the bottle (she takes Singulair chewable already). But, no, they won't give it to me because we just had a prescription filled for her on the 14th so no more until Feb. 14. Are you joking? Screw it....not worrying about the Singulair now. So we wander around Target for 15 minutes while Alexis gimps around like she has no arms, pick up the amoxycillin, drive home. Get home, fight the fight to get Max to take the antibiotic, and go to get the Motrin for them both. Max passes out again while I run upstairs. I think this signifies early nap time. After Alexis throws her fit, she finally settles in to watch a movie. After about 1 1/2 hours (the best 1 1/2 hours of my day so far), I hear freaking out screams. Oh dear god, what next? Alexis peed on my bed. Really? I really hope that someone has secretly videoed my entire day just for the pure entertainment of others. Strip the bed, remake it, and REALLY desperately want to collapse on it. Instead, however, Alexis brings some toys in and we play. Now I sit venting on my blog. And about 2 minutes ago began hearing Max waking up. So I better muster up the strength to get him up while I take a moment to pray that Ben gets home early because he is going back to school tonight for some meeting. Oh and did I mention that during my 1 1/2 hour quiet time, a realtor called to say she is coming by tonight with a client so now I have to really go clean the house knowing that someone is in fact coming at 7pm. So please join in my many moments of prayer today that this will be THE ONE!

Oh, and to baby #3, enjoy it in there while you can.

Home Sweet.....Get Me Outta Here

I'm soooooooo tired of our house being on the market. I mean how fun is it to make your house spotless every single time you leave it. And I've now been doing it since June 2009 ----- that's 7, going on 8 months. Through puking and nausea, through children making disasters, and now moving on to the difficulty of bending down to pick up all those little toys as my stomach grows (which is has seriously done in the the last two weeks). I'm soooooooooo ready to be out of here. All I dream about is leaving to take Alexis to school in the morning and not worrying if I picked up that wrapped up diaper or poured the bowl of cereal down the drain. We have not had a visitor since probably October. Finally, last weekend, someone calls at 9am on Sunday to say they will be here to see the house at 10am. Really, folks? Only an hours notice on a Sunday morning. We were still in bed. I don't think I've ever showered in under 5 minutes like I did, busted my @$$ to clean up, get children ready, and pull out of the driveway by 9:59am. After a few days, we get some feedback. They came to our house by mistake....they were really looking for 4 bedrooms. COME ON PEOPLE! Isn't that the first thing you look at when you pull up a listing? So we busted our you know whats for nothing. And spent all week hoping that someone would come this weekend. So far.....not good. Unless, of course, we get another 9am phone call tomorrow.

Tolls Suck

While Max and Lexi were at school yesterday, I had to drive downtown for a bris. Now, I plug the address into the GPS and off I go following the directions. I'm making great time and get right on the highway. FYI, there is exactly one toll road here. And of course that is the road I happen to need to be on. As I'm driving, I realize......CRAP, I don't have 50 cents. Yup, that's all the toll is....50 cents. I don't have a dollar, I don't have $5, I don't have a quarter! NOTHING! Well, actually I had three pennies. So I begin to think of my dad. My dad was a cash kind of guy. Me, not so much. Debit cards do it for me. He always used to harrass me about not having money. It has come back to bite me in the @$$ maybe once or twice or eight times. Like when I used to ride the train to grad school and would show up there with no money, parking in a parking deck and then having no cash to leave it, etc. So as I'm laughing at myself driving down the highway thinking my dad was surely laughing at me, I come back into reality to think of what the heck I'm going to do. Well, I get off the highway at the next exit and search the car for some change. I come up with 20 cents, but that's not gonna do it. I plug "Wachovia" into the GPS and thankfully there is one less than a mile away (in the wrong directions of course). I get $20 out. Phew.....situation diverted. Well, I get to the toll plaza and hand her my $20. The ever so friendly toll taker said, "You got anything else". "No", I say. She responds, "You don't got a dollar or nothin' smaller?" Trust me, lady, I don't. She says, "well, I only have $17 in change". I say fine, keep the $1.50 and let 3 more cars go behind me. "Oh, well, I guess I could give you the rest in quarters", she says. Fine! I guess you don't have to be a rocket scientist to be a toll taker. Did I mention that I hate tolls?????

Cry Baby Cry

Wahoo!!!! Bama beat the jean short wearing Gators! Better known as the Jort Nation, the GAYtors lost! The game was quite exciting to watch, but the real excitement came after the game ended.
The real excitement was snapping this picture of the television set. Big T crying like a little baby! Nothing better than seeing the Gators lose and lose badly :) While the Dawgs couldn't make the fight, Bama took a stand for us. Roll Tide!

FYI, I would never utter the words "Roll Tide" unless they were playing Florida! Don't worry, Dawgs, you are still my number 1!

A Day in Our Life

Thursday was a beautiful day in which many blog-worthy things happened. After waking up early, we had to take Riley to the vet for her yearly checkup (which by the way, was supposed to be in May). But, I figure, if we are still in the same year, it still counts as yearly. So the four of us trek out of the house up to the vet. We arrive on time and quite promptly are shown to our room. BUT, 15 unnecessary minutes tick by before anyone comes into the room when clearly we were the only ones there since ALL the other rooms were empty. Picture Alexis and Max fighting over who gets to hold Riley's leash, Max opening cabinets all over the place, and Alexis chasing around Claw and Beep, her imaginary friends, because they were not being good listeners. Clearly, Alexis was winning the fight of who got the hold the leash for the above photo! Finally, the nurse came in, took Riley for her bloodwork, nail cutting, and whatever else in the back. Still trying to entertain two children in a little four by four EMPTY room, and 15 minutes later Riley comes back. "Ok" says the nurse, "now I'll let the vet know that Riley is ready to be examined". Fabulous! Almost done! 30 FREAKIN' MINUTES LATER, the vet comes in. By now, Alexis has come up with a thousand different scenarios about why Claw and Beep are flying around the room on scooters/going to school inside the treat dish/doing her hair for a party, etc., Max has torn apart the only magazine in the room while whining and crying because he is probably as bored as I am, and I'm about to climb up the walls. I explain to the vet that Riley has been peeing in her sleep and last time that happened she had a bladder infection. "Well, let's get a urine sample from her", she says. Ok, great. 15 minutes later, Riley comes back. "Ok, now we have to wait for the vet to analyze the sample", the nurse says. We waited about 15 more minutes, and now everyone is hungry, Max is tired, and I am just plain annoyed. I was just about to go out the other door and say we are just going to leave and have to come back for round two, when the vet came in and said that her urine was too watery to examine so we have to CATCH HER FIRST PEE OF THE MORNING IN A TUPPERWARE and bring it in. Are you kidding me????? Ummmm.....that's going to be Ben's job. Finally, after 1 1/2 hours and $228, we leave the vet.

For the second, third, and fourth blog-worthy things of the day.....

Ha! The suspense will kill you, I know!!!!

THE MOVE

I should preface this post with the statement that I love my grandma. She's always been a fabulously loving grandma, and I would and have done anything for her just as she has for me, but I have to rant, therefore, my blog is the medium.

Moving is such a simple word, yet I hate its guts. Moving sucks. And we weren't even the ones moving!!! My grandma finally agreed to go to the Jewish Tower about six months ago. After turning down an apartment in January (damn!), she finally accepted the offer last month and the big move was yesterday. However, packing began a month ago. From a two bedroom rather spacious apartment to a one bedroom rather minuscule apartment (it's so small, I'm not even sure apartment is the right term). Clearly, things were going to have to be prioritized and the B, C, and D-listers needed to be left behind. It was sort of like telling a three year that she/he can't bring ALL their toys in the car, but just pick a few. Then you get the whining response from them, "But I want them!" Sort of the same response from an 80 year old woman when told she doesn't need five (no lie, no exaggeration) sets (yes, complete sets!) of dishes for a one-person household. I mean do you really need to have every mug you have ever set your lips to in your three cabinet mini kitchen. Not to mention all the hideous knick knacks that are going from four display cases into two. Oh, sure, just cram it in, but when the shelves fall, don't call me. (FYI, not all the knick knacks are fugly, so keep the nice ones and get rid of the fugly ones). Why exactly a mini kitchen table is needed in the literally four foot square kitchen when the large, nice dining room table is two feet away, I'll also never understand. Oh, and I can't forget about the two completely full racks of shoes (probably 30 pairs) that she still "needs" especially since I've only seen her wear two pairs of shoes in the last 3 years. But, you know, she still needed those white heels (ummm....wait.....she can't even walk well in flat, sneakers), "in case [she] needs white shoes when [she] gets dressed up". Dressed up??? Where, the hell are you going? The rockin' sock hop in the cafeteria???? She finally came to the realization that some of her things weren't fitting as we were hopping over boxes and hurdling furniture to get around last night, so of course, Ben had to drive back today to gather some of these up for the garage sale. It would have been too much to ask to have figured this out BEFORE we packed and unpacked and then repacked it again.

Well, before my rant gets too unbearably long, I should say that I do love my grandmother dearly and she truly cherishes all her belongings. I'm not an unsentimental person, but I'm also a realist. I am actually very sentimental and keep just about everything (old movie stubs, every card I've ever gotten, etc.), but when I have to move and downsize, I give my kids permission to get rid of them. The nice part is that she has told us all the stories to go along with many items and possessions so it's nice to know their history, but some things don't have a history or an attachment other than parting with something that you once owned. I was actually more compassionate with her, but since she doesn't own a computer, I figured this was a good place to release!

The Beauty of the Free World

A couple months ago we decided to purchase a larger vehicle to accomodate our larger family so we upgraded to a 7 passenger Ascender from our 5 passenger Rodeo (thanks to our Isuzu connections!). We have now had our Rodeo on Craig's List for over a month and now having to consider paying to list it on AJC or AutoTrader. That is the background info.

About two weeks ago, we finally convinced Grandma that she needed to sell her "piece" of a car since she shouldn't be driving anyway or wasting money on car insurance. So last Sunday night we decided to go ahead and post her car on Craig's List for the grand total of $600 (like I said it's a piece). Over the course of the week, we have had about 20 responses to the posting, but no one to actually come through yet to fork over the cash for it. We had a couple scammers (like shipping it to Africa), a few people mildly interested (requesting pictures), and a few very interested (willing to take a bus to the car and drive it home) but didn't make it over to see it at a convenient time. So tonight Ben decided to get a bit more aggressive and actually call people who left phone numbers. At about 9pm, a couple actually called to say they were in the parking lot. Of course, this sounded sketchy since who really buys a car in the DARK. So mom drove him up there as his protector with 911 dialed in her phone "just in case". Fortunately, they weren't psycho, took a short test drive, and sealed the deal. They even gave a bonus and handed over $650 cash. Wahoo!!!!! No more POS Cougar acting as a trash can for Grandma's money. Clearly, however, that brings me back to my original point. Our nice, well-maintained Rodeo still sits untouched on Craig's List and her crap mobile has been unloaded for cash!

The Classic City

We are always up for a day trip to the good ole city of Athens, but every time we go back we seem to have the same thoughts........when did Athens get so classy. It has always been known as the Classic City, but 11 years ago when we started college, it was definitely NOT classy. Nasty apartments, trashy shopping centers with hole in the wall stores, and dirty streets were the fond memories of Athens. But now the shopping centers are all redone with pretty stores, cracked and falling apart streets are now clean bricked sidewalks, and ghetto living quarters have become brand new apartment complexes with all the amenities. All the restaurants that we frequented are now replaced by chains....no more Wolfgangs or Hunan (UGA student special!). It always makes us appreciate the years we spent living in Athens having the time of our lives. When Alexis gets there in 15 years (because she will, since UGA is the ONLY school that is an option for her), it will be like living in a fairytale land. It will be fantastic for her because she won't know any different, but she won't have 25 cent beer nights at the dirtiest bar downtown, she won't be able to attend drinking nights at the most disgusting fraternity house (TEP.....well, just because they are getting a new house doesn't mean that it will be clean), she won't be able to drive down Sanford Drive if she can even drive as a Freshman at all, she won't be able to cross Baxter Street because where there once was just a cracked sidewalk is now barricaded by a wrought iron fence with only a seldom break to cross, she won't be able to indulge in a grease filled meal of chicken tenders at Guthrie's because it has been replaced by some chain restaurant, and she won't be able to enjoy the beautiful landscape because all the buildings they are build now are COLOSSAL and block the views.

Even though we spent much time reminiscing with mixed emotions, we did have a blast taking Alexis to the GymDogs meet. She is completely enthralled by the girls flipping around and usually after we get home for several days she will make failed attempts to do the same all around the house. Luckily, she isn't that brave so she won't try anything too dangerous. Unfortunately for her, she missed the floor exercise because she fell asleep in my lap and when she awoke while we were walking down Lumpkin on the way back to the car, she simply could not understand why were not in the Coliseum anymore. Max screamed halfway home, but slept the other half while Alexis was tuned in to her Barney DVD so it was a halfway peaceful ride for us.

GO DAWGS!!!