I really hope that when I am old, like 85, that I have kept my wits about me. And if I haven't, I hope they are gone enough to not realize that I've lost them. It is with both sadness and humor that I write this post because it is so sad, yet so funny.
I decided to be a good, helpful granddaughter today and take my grandma's dog to the vet because the place where she now lives is going to kick the dog out if she doesn't get her shots. (Which we would be totally cool with her getting rid of the dog because it is such a hassle for us to keep her, but that is a whole 'nother post). But the dog hasn't actually been the vet in....hmm.....let's see.....basically.....EVER! Or probably not since she was a wee little pup. Not the best dog parenting skills, but surely economical.
Anyway, I go to pick up the dog and she asks if Alexis could stay with her. Alexis first declined, but then said yes. I felt fairly comfortable since there are hundreds of other people in the same building and besides, I would just be gone for like 45 minutes to run down the street to Pet Smart, get some shots, and be back (ha!). She also asked if Max could stay too. For a moment, I pondered the thought of Max running down the hallway at top speed with an 82 year old woman "running" with her walker after him. Next, I pondered the moment when Max wanted to be picked up and carried around, which I can barely do, and I foresaw, Alexis being the one to accomodate. Momentarily considered when Max held his breath and passed out, what her reaction time would be. But instead of saying what I was thinking, I simply said, "I think it's better if Max comes with me". So, Max, Penny (the dog), and I head out.
The dog immediately starts shaking like a 7.0 earthquake has taken over her body. At least she only weighs 8 pounds so I can pick her up despite her objections and cart her to the car. Yet, she will not sit in the seat and ONLY in my lap. Might I remind you that I don't really have a lap right now. Pretty much my belly and the steering wheel are best buddies when I drive these days. So the dog ends up sitting on my stomach. Great! We arrive at Pet Smart, and I go around to get Max out of the car, and come to find that he has no shoes on. His newest trick in the car is taking off his shoes and chucking them as hard and as far as he can. Fine enough, but today, I was searching everywhere for them and cannot find one of them. I am about 2 seconds away from taking him in with only one shoe and hoping that no one notices. But Eventually, I do find it. Walk into Pet Smart, go up to the counter, start talking to the lady and Max takes off down the aisle of the store to "find the bird". Ummm....excuse me while I go chase after this two year old with my 9 month pregnant self running with a dog in my arms. Ok....back at the counter. Ushered into the 2 by 4 square room. The same 2 by 4 square room that Max and Penny and I proceed to sit in for 2 hours. Yes, this process took 2 freakin' hours. After much debate about whether to pay for today (which by the way somehow my grandma thought $70 was going to be enough so that's what she sent with me, yet it was $189), or sign up for some plan which allowed for more visits, her gross ear to be checked out, and her nasty tooth to be pulled. I hate making decisions for other people. Anyway, the entire time, Max is saying, "I'm hungry" and "I want a snack" because in the process of looking for his shoes, I put down his snack and it got left in the car. Max really was an angel for about an hour. But then tiredness, hungriness, and annoyance set in. And by annoyance I mean his AND mine. Super fun!
Finally, we get to leave. Alexis was still in one piece when we got back and Grandma asked if we wanted to go to lunch. Sure, Grandma, if we can eat here because I'm not taking all of you guys out somewhere....a pregnant chick in her 9th month carrying Max, managing Alexis, and helping her didn't sound like my idea of a blast. Her response, "I don't need help". Really? Who is going to put your walker in the car, drop you off at the front, help you up the inevitable step up on the curb, walk at turtle speed next to you so you don't fall, etc. Really? Seriously? I mean let's be a little realistic. Next idea please: She says the cafeteria is still open so let's just go downstairs since they have sandwiches and salads. Perfect! So we make the walk across to the other building which would take about 4 minutes at walking speed, but at walker speed takes 15. As we are about to cross the walkway, I say, "Grandma, there is a sign here that says on Wedneday and Thursday this week you have to buy a ticket at the front desk to eat in the cafeteria." She says, "oh well, if Sharon is there I'm sure it's fine". Okay, sure! We continue our walk and are almost to the lobby of the next building and she says, "I'm not sure if I'm going the right way". Really, I mean don't you eat here like all the time? I mean you have lived here for a year. "Oh yeah, but I usually get lost getting there". Well, okay. We make it to the desk and she asks the lady if we are going the right way to the cafeteria. "No, you have to take the elevator down to the terrace level". WHAT? You don't even know that we have to get on a freakin' elevator to even have a chance of finding it. Seriously, she used to eat dinner there every Friday night and eats lunch there every so often. The lady then explains that you have to have a ticket because it's a holiday. I think that I have to walk back to the other building to get a stupid ticket and then walk back again, I'm running straight out the door. Luckily, we can buy a ticket there. But she says it's a set menu not cafeteria style since it's a holiday. I look at what they are serving and think that there is no way in hell that the kids are going to eat that and a slim chance that I will. So I say forget it and we have to leave. So we make the "trek" back to her building stopping 18 times along the way to chat with random people. Finally, we leave and the music in my ears was "I'm hungry", "I'm starving", "Are we eating?". Okay, fine, let's stop at the Chick-fil-A right here. Pull in, no parking spaces. Damn. We try the McDonald's across the street because we are desperate at this point. Go inside and smell that Max needs a diaper. The changing station was in one of the stalls (farily common) so we go in and Alexis says she has to pee. So she goes while I start changing Max. Remember earlier when I said Max likes to kick his flip flops off if he is not standing on them or walking. Yeah, kicks his flip flops off......right into the toilet. Yup, with her pee in it. Awesome. Pull out the pee flops, wash them in the sink and put them back on him. Sorry kid. Pee flops are better than walking on the floor of McDonalds.
Eat lunch, play, and drive home. Thankfully. Is today over yet????
