Jealousy vs. Envy

I have been pondering the difference. Neither one is good. We teach our kids never to be either. Be happy with what you have. But I am always finding myself having these feelings. I think I decided that jealousy has more of a negative connotation than envy. Jealousy to me at least means you wish for something that someone else has and also wish that they themselves didn't have it. Envy to me means more of being happy for that other person but still wishing something for yourself. Okay. So I guess then I find myself often envious.

Whenever I see grandparents with their grandchildren out and about. It always brings a couple tears to my ears and a few envious pains. I think it is so wonderful for those children and it is so sweet, yet I know my kids will never have that with my parents. Don't get me wrong, my mom is brave enough (or stupid enough) to take 3 or 4 (she doesn't often get Remy yet for the simple fact that I won't give her up and lack of a food source for her) children to a variety of places. She even one time took my three and a friend's two together by herself to Yogli Mogli. Yes, I think that was both brave and stupid. Anyway, she certainly gives them enough love and attention for two grandparents; however, they will never have both of my parents together to do those special grandparent things.

I saw two grandparents the other day walking at the park each holding a hand of their about two year old grandson and pointing out an airplane and a bird and a cloud in the sky. So simple. I was so envious. Several months ago I saw two grandparents sitting having dinner at IHOP with their two grandchildren. Just dinner. So simple. I was so envious. About a month ago my mom took us to see Sesame Street Live. We were sitting in the rows, our kids happy as clams, each one of them (except Alexis) on one of our laps. There was no shortage of attention, love, and specialness. But I looked behind me as I was standing during intermission rocking Remy, and saw two grandparents eating cotton candy with three little girls. That will never be my three little girls sitting there with both of my parents. Just sitting, watching. So envious.

I have so many memories of being with my mom's parents. They took us everywhere. The circus, dinner, the fair, shows, just shopping or the pool. They watched me when I was sick and I curled up in their bed. They came to my school performances, they picked me up from school, they brought me my homework when I forgot it, they kept secrets from my parents when I needed it. But most of all they did all this together. Both of them. I would give anything for my kids to have both my parents together. But I do have to say, while I do wish for nothing else, they have no shortage of love and attention around them. They still have three grandparents who in any combination do ALL of the above. And it's amazing and I'm sure there are many people who are envious of us. To me though there will always be a piece missing. It's funny because my kids don't know what they are missing so they don't even know they are missing it. But I know. I know what could have been. I know what Alexis had for two and half very short years. And trust me she is missing something big. Major. They all are even if they don't realize. But I realize. Every single day. So probably for eternity I will be envious of children when I see them with their grandparents and I will be envious for my children of what I had when I was little. But I will also be thankful. Thankful for what they do have and thankful that they are making lasting memories with their other three grandparents. I know they will remember having their three grandparents at every recital and sports game, every school performance, sleeping at Bubum's every Thursday, baking with Grammy, camping with Grampa, visiting Opa's stone with Bubum, Grampa coming to the bus stop, singing songs with Grammy, sleeping in Bubum's bed, working in Grampa's garage, going to shows, apple picking, etc. To them it will always be amazing. To me there will always be something missing.


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Outfit Fun

My favorite thing is putting Remy in outfits that the other girls wore. Don't know why this is so entertaining for me, but it is. Very few outfits so far have crossed all three because Alexis was born in the winter and the other two girls were born in summer. But as they get a little older and the clothes last longer.......oooh I'll be exited. Here are a couple from this week:




These two don't even look related! They would make a nice genetics study!

Here is one of Alexis and Remy!






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