Act #3

In honor of Noah Pozner:

Today our cleaning lady came by herself. Usually she comes with her son. It takes her a lot longer when she comes by herself. So I left her $10 extra.


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Christmas Cheer

Act #2 in honor of you, Charlotte Bacon:

Spent the morning at Children's Healthcare sorting gift bags and giving gifts to the patients in the hospital. I think we have done it about 7 times in the last 10 years. It's always a sobering experience but especially so this year.

It's always a breath holding experience walking into the NICU, TICU, and PICU. I'm always thankful for my four healthy children and will hope and pray for the best for the children and families there.


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26 acts of kindness

It has been difficult for me to talk about the Connecticut shooting without getting choked up. Partly because I am the mom of a first grader. A first grader who attends public school. A public school in an affluent suburb. A public school with amazing teachers, a dedicated principal, and classrooms full of adorable lively children. Children that look just like the 20 pictures I've seen floating around Facebook and the news. I know what it's like to send my first grader off to school and give up my sense of control of what happens to her every day. I know that I fully expect her to get right back off the bus that I put her on. But what happens between those hours to her is out of my hands. Ever since that August day last year when she started school, I've tortured myself with the what ifs. It could have been me. But I can't understand the pain that 20 moms are feeling.

This was a response written by my rabbi.

"When facing tragedy Judaism doesn’t look for answers it looks for a response.

And Judaism’s response is twofold:

1. Express sympathy to the community and families in mourning. Let them know that they are not alone in their pain. We mourn together with them. This is the greatest source of comfort.

2. Channel the pain into positive action. We must become even more determined to bring goodness into this world as a result of the evil we have witnessed.

Share even more love with those you come into contact with, and they will share it with others. If everyone moved by this tragedy increases their love and acts of goodness and kindness we will introduce into the world a massive power of good, and that is the only response to such utter evil!"

So in honor of the 26 souls who are making their journey, I will do one act of kindness for each of them. I will not stop there and will commit to continue those acts long after the 26 so that I can do my small part in bringing some goodness into the world. Hopefully also my children will see this and will learn to do their own acts of kindness.

#1 - yesterday I purchased coffee for the person behind me in line at Starbucks. That was some goodness for you Emilie Parker.


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Nine Nights of Hanukkah

Yes, I am well aware that Hanukkah is only eight nights.  But since Ben was not with us for nights seven and eight, we decided to have a ninth night.  Plus, we weren't home for the last two nights so we didn't get to see our menorahs all lit up.  And with the weekend full of saddness and darkness surrounding the ultimate tragedy in Connecticut, we wanted to fully experience the miracle of Hanukkah and see the bright menorahs.  So we had Needle Night Nine. 

All throughout Hanukkah, we talked with the kids about the story of Hanukkah, what it means, and the spirit of the season.  We tried very hard not to make it about the presents.  Don't get me wrong, they got PLENTY of presents.  Far beyond what they could ever need or even want.  But of course, it is exciting for them to open presents and get cool things.  We just want to instill the giving and the spirit rather than the tangible gifts that really have no connection.  You can do what do and hope that somehow the message makes it through their 2, 4, and 6 year old heads. 

As we were lighting our full menorahs, I asked them, "so guys what is Hanukkah about?".  I was hoping that I wouldn't regret asking the question by getting an answer I really didn't want to hear (i.e., presents).  Simultaneously, Max and Alexis replied.  Alexis said, "family" and Max said, "miracles".  Hallelujah, we did our job. Yes, it is about family and miracles.  Maizy didn't have a response, but I did ask her yesterday morning what was the best part about Hanukkah and she said, "the candles".  I'll take that too. 

Here they are on the first night of Hanukkah 2012:

Monthly Pictures

I don't know why I find it so entertaining to compare all four kids at each age. I never did it when I had three. They are in age order with Alexis and Ma at the top and Maizy and Remy at the bottom. Here they are as newborns:

Then one month:

Two months:

Three months:

And soon Remy will be four months and I'll have to make another one! None of them really look alike to me. But my bias thinks they are all awfully cute!
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Jealousy vs. Envy

I have been pondering the difference. Neither one is good. We teach our kids never to be either. Be happy with what you have. But I am always finding myself having these feelings. I think I decided that jealousy has more of a negative connotation than envy. Jealousy to me at least means you wish for something that someone else has and also wish that they themselves didn't have it. Envy to me means more of being happy for that other person but still wishing something for yourself. Okay. So I guess then I find myself often envious.

Whenever I see grandparents with their grandchildren out and about. It always brings a couple tears to my ears and a few envious pains. I think it is so wonderful for those children and it is so sweet, yet I know my kids will never have that with my parents. Don't get me wrong, my mom is brave enough (or stupid enough) to take 3 or 4 (she doesn't often get Remy yet for the simple fact that I won't give her up and lack of a food source for her) children to a variety of places. She even one time took my three and a friend's two together by herself to Yogli Mogli. Yes, I think that was both brave and stupid. Anyway, she certainly gives them enough love and attention for two grandparents; however, they will never have both of my parents together to do those special grandparent things.

I saw two grandparents the other day walking at the park each holding a hand of their about two year old grandson and pointing out an airplane and a bird and a cloud in the sky. So simple. I was so envious. Several months ago I saw two grandparents sitting having dinner at IHOP with their two grandchildren. Just dinner. So simple. I was so envious. About a month ago my mom took us to see Sesame Street Live. We were sitting in the rows, our kids happy as clams, each one of them (except Alexis) on one of our laps. There was no shortage of attention, love, and specialness. But I looked behind me as I was standing during intermission rocking Remy, and saw two grandparents eating cotton candy with three little girls. That will never be my three little girls sitting there with both of my parents. Just sitting, watching. So envious.

I have so many memories of being with my mom's parents. They took us everywhere. The circus, dinner, the fair, shows, just shopping or the pool. They watched me when I was sick and I curled up in their bed. They came to my school performances, they picked me up from school, they brought me my homework when I forgot it, they kept secrets from my parents when I needed it. But most of all they did all this together. Both of them. I would give anything for my kids to have both my parents together. But I do have to say, while I do wish for nothing else, they have no shortage of love and attention around them. They still have three grandparents who in any combination do ALL of the above. And it's amazing and I'm sure there are many people who are envious of us. To me though there will always be a piece missing. It's funny because my kids don't know what they are missing so they don't even know they are missing it. But I know. I know what could have been. I know what Alexis had for two and half very short years. And trust me she is missing something big. Major. They all are even if they don't realize. But I realize. Every single day. So probably for eternity I will be envious of children when I see them with their grandparents and I will be envious for my children of what I had when I was little. But I will also be thankful. Thankful for what they do have and thankful that they are making lasting memories with their other three grandparents. I know they will remember having their three grandparents at every recital and sports game, every school performance, sleeping at Bubum's every Thursday, baking with Grammy, camping with Grampa, visiting Opa's stone with Bubum, Grampa coming to the bus stop, singing songs with Grammy, sleeping in Bubum's bed, working in Grampa's garage, going to shows, apple picking, etc. To them it will always be amazing. To me there will always be something missing.


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Outfit Fun

My favorite thing is putting Remy in outfits that the other girls wore. Don't know why this is so entertaining for me, but it is. Very few outfits so far have crossed all three because Alexis was born in the winter and the other two girls were born in summer. But as they get a little older and the clothes last longer.......oooh I'll be exited. Here are a couple from this week:




These two don't even look related! They would make a nice genetics study!

Here is one of Alexis and Remy!






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