Many Small Children

If you have at least three children all of which are under the age of.......let's say 10, you are allowed to laugh at the following. If you don't, ha ha ha just you wait until you do. Then we will see who is laughing.

You know you are the mother of many small children if......
1. You find crumbs of who knows what in the car and don't have a problem with one of the kids finding said crumb and proceeding to eat it. Like I mean don't even bat an eyelash and are a little but grateful it's one less piece of food you'll have to clean up later.
2. You have pulled over, yanked a child out of the car, and seriously thought about if you drive away would you be arrested.
3. You say things like "get your hands out of your butt", "stop putting your sock in your sister's mouth", "if you don't come here and let me cut your toenails....", "karma train is gonna hit you hard if you don't start listening", and "stop splashing in the toilet water" without even missing a beat.
4. You are a chef, housekeeper, chauffeur, teacher, nurse, doctor, pharmacist, hair dresser, nail technician, bouncer, bar tender (mixed drinks of smoothies, juice, and water on the rocks included), butt wiper, face cleaner, hand de-gunker, lunch packer, nose picker, busted lip fixer, rectal temperature taker, and should make at least seven figures but actually make $0.
5. You get more excited for a minivan than you did for your little sports car when you turned sixteen. And by more excited I mean more excited to drive through carpool line than to cart your friends to the hottest party or the mall. I mean excited that your kids can be far enough apart that your entire car ride is no longer spent at a decibel level of 90. Excited enough to have doors that open and close practically by themselves so you can carry two kids, four bags of groceries, and three toys that shouldn't have been brought into the store in the first place.
6. Your glove box is filled with diapers, the seat pockets are filled with extra sets of clothes, the trunk is filled with one of the 14 strollers that you own, the cup holders next to the children are filled with something brown and sticky even though they have never eaten anything brown and sticky in the car, the floor is filled with cheerios that have been stepped on, and under the seats....well, there is just no telling.
7. You have given up on floppy seat covers, drinking from separate cups, hand sanitizer every five minutes at the playground, heck even washing hands. And you start believing that exposure to germs will in some way boost their immune system.
8. You will pretty much let them do whatever they want if they are not fighting, they are quiet, and no one is dying.
9. You don't even know what it is like to go to the bathroom alone so on the rare occasion you have to go to the bathroom when no one is around, you grab a stuffed animal to take with you so you don't feel like you are so alone. Actually you have become quite adept at peeing while nursing, while a baby is grabbing at your knees and pants around your ankles, while children are screaming from the other side of the door or the same side of the door, while refereeing, while....really it isn't even worth peeing anymore.
10. You have ever loved someone so much you could keel over, you have ever laughed so hard you didn't need that bathroom time because you already peed your pants, you have ever been so proud of someone that you could actually feel your heart bursting, you have ever loved how much two other people loved each other, you have felt so happy and lucky to have amazing little bodies that say I love you, you have ever cried because you love someone so much you can't even put words to it, and you can look into someone else's eyes and see hope.

If all these apply to you congratulations. You must also have many small children.

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